I know, these subjects can lead to volumes of rants. I'm just stamping some ongoing thoughts in these areas, since I deal with them all the time, even stepping down from leadership for a time.
Sorry people, there are limitations in ministry to "Special Needs"...But don't let those limitation stop ministry from happening to everyone, regardless of the irritating label of "special needs".
Ministry for any person on this earth always, always, always starts with the person & their needs! If you thing not, there is one need everyone needs and that is God or you could also say "eternal life". (So take that doubters!)
Now "special needs" are, well "special". If you don't know anything about "special needs", maybe you should google it, as well as take a trip outside your own little bubble. Outside of physical disabilities, there seems to be a surge (of awareness) of other types of special needs. And after filtering out things, there really is a surge of special needs that need to be addressed accross the board, even outside the wall of church. Yes, they are being addressed, so the next move is action + implimentation, which are the problems we all deal with.
Before mentioning real life senerios, let me say that I am equally split on both sides of the issue.Personally, as much as I want to meet "special needs", I often see the significant (in)direct effects it has on those generally classified as "normal". Reminds me of the older children in the family losing attention to the new baby. And feelings like "I'm not important any more", fill the minds of the "normal" ones. Special needs kids/people then end up being a crutch for normal kids and the normal kids don't get the attention they really do deserve. And yes, I've felt that way myself at times throughout my life.
Yet...
How alienated an emotionally neglected do "special needs" kids/people feel? Feelings aside, are their needs just rejected for whatever reasons, expecially budget and convenent feasability? We need to meet everyone's needs on both sides to the best of our ability, even go the extra mile for all at times. To outright neglect/reject anyone for any reason is just wrong.
Sorry, but this ministry is equipped to handle your special needs. :(Let me briefly mention an issue that was brought to our attention on district RR staff in 2007. An autistic boy and his parents wants the boy to participate in various Royal Rangers events.
Let me pause on this particular situation to explain the ministry of Royal Rangers. Of course the forte of Royal Rangers is outdoors, especially camping. (Of course this is shifting to a broadening outside the realm of camping, yet that is a tangant topic). "Special needs" and the outdoors don't exactly match. For instance, if you can only get around on a wheel chair, backpacking is out for you. And general camping is a possibility, yet making it happen takes major shifts in gear, leadership support, etc, depending on the need.
So back to the "autistic" issue...
The boy only responds to her mother. So for the boy to go camping and participate in other outdoors events, the mother needs to be there and be involved. Ok, no problem yet.
In Royal Rangers USA, women have limitations in partipation, such as girls are in "Girls Clubs/Mpact" (formerly Missionettes), and women leaders are limited to weekly meetings in Ranger Kids, sometimes Discovery Rangers. As per Penn-Del district policy, there are strict guidelines regarding women at camping events. The big one, which I agree with, is that women can not camp with the Outposts and must have accomidations off site or in designated areas.
Now the problem is that the mother can't camp, even sleep in the same tent with his boy along with the Outpost. One solution is create a "leper colony", (yes I'll be bold enough to use that term), which alienates the boy from his Outpost. Another solution is have the outpost camp seperately, yet then again the woman is still camping with the boy, which is against policy.
The autism issue, as well as countless others imposes challenges in meeting "special needs". In most cases, policy needs adjusted, facilities adapted, budgets increased (if that is possible with shoe strings), additudes adjusted, etc. But...
At what point does all these tweaks to the ministry actually distract from the ministry's prime objectives? Or by these tweaks are we meeting them? Do we objectively and subjectively draw lines in gray areas to set limits on the machine that administers + run that ministry? Or do we keep rebuilding that ministry? Again, it depends on the ministry. Also depends on available resources. I do know in Royal Rangers we're often tapped dry for resources (people + stuff) for doing it for the general population.
Yes, many challenges to address!!!!!Then there is the protection and unprotection of our kids and teens!Hum... ... ... Yes, I thrive on dualisms and people get frustrated when I present contridictions. (Honestly, I love presenting contridictions and dualisms!)
I can't speak much for the girls, yet I can for the boys. There is a book my Senior Commander gave me late last year called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. (A must read for everyone that works with boys). Boys are truly "
wild at heart". Not sure what it is, think the old ABC show "Home Improvements", Tim the toolman Taylor + his 3 boys. Boys these days (in America) live in a heavily feminized world. That's good for the women, to a degree, yet the boys suffer. And when they come of age, do they truly become men? As per reflextion of most ladies these days, I hear "there are no real/good men these days". That tells me that the "wild" that is in the nature of all boys is not fully released.
For boys, there is an "unprotection" that is needed to release boys into the wild. Hehehehe! That's where I come in! I jokingly say to some people that I "corrupt the boys", which isn't the case. I open up a world for boys to "
be wild", not just in Royal Rangers, yet in all areas that I work with young boys + teen boys. Yes, if most of the parents knew some of the things we do on campouts and other events, they might have a cow. Of course as their man leader, I'm their safety net and protection as they roam in a sorta controlled wild. You can't control wild per sa, cause if you can, it wouldn't be wild? Get my point on this key aspect of "unprotection"?!
For boys, they are not always ready to run totally wild. Some boys progress faster than others. In general, in early grade school ages they are under the umbrella of mom and the ladies. They need that motherly and womanly stuff, like nurturing, etc at those ages. I'd say between 3-6 grade there is a transition to the father and men taking over.
Why?Cause at beyond puberty, they now need (real) men to teach them how to become a man. And only true men can teach boys how to become a man. Sorry, but that's how God wired males/men. Without men in a boy's life, that's were they become femenized, gayed up, and/or turn into "guys". (I define a "guy" as an adult male who is not truly a man).
"Protection" must always blance out with "Unprotection"!We can protect so much and so often that we put our kids, our teens, even our young adults into a bubble. And we all hear all the time of the stories and drama that comes from when kids, teens, and mainly young adults come out of the bubble and face real life full on. Protection and security comes at a great cost. Yes, protection is necessary, yet it has to be balanced. Yes, it takes risks. Yes, it costs personal security. If you don't pay the cost, then when in the midst of real life, you end up feeling "insecure".
Humm...
Parents and those that work with kids and teens, you got to realise some things. Kids and teens will explore the world. That's inevitable. They will be exposed to all kinds of stuff, even "that stuff". I know, I went to a ghetto public school and have been exposed to "you name it" before I was aged 18. (Btw, I came out fine!)
As parents, it is in your nature to protect, to provide, and to guide. God gave you that nature for a reason and do those things. Yet balance things out, don't go over board. Honestly I really hate dealing with you anal parents and you parents that are just too dang over protective. Ends up that I find your kids have lots more problems than the other kids and I'm fixing things here on the other side for ya.
Balance is key! Let me repeat, balance is key!
Protecting our Children YouthThe ministry aspect of this side keep us leaders busy all the time in all kinds of ways. While someone like me in Royal Rangers is exposing your boys to fire, critter, mud, and all things wild in nature, I'm always on security detail. For every hour at an event with your kids/teens, on my/our end (as leaders) I/we spend 2-100 times as much time planning and preparing. And safety is always the top/first/primary/core concern. On a camp out us leaders are out to make sure your boy is dry when it is wet, warm when it is cold, cool when it is hot, fed when they are hungry, given first aid when injured/sick, peace + harmony when boys are together interacting... The list goes on and on and on. And we have this broad safety net there to allow the boys to explore "their wild" so they can learn from us men how to become "men of God".
I see problems all the time with protection and the leadership that helps provide it. First problem is there is not enough men to help out as servant leaders. This is even before I get picky about the quality of the men in servant leadership.
Yet regardless of the quality, one safety aspect that is the starting point, that I mention all the time, is are they cleared? I mean is their record clear from child abuse, abuse, crime? Beyond that, what is their background and what is their story? I know it is too too easy to throw a warm body into a group that despirately needs servant leadership. Yet I see all the time issues in regards to HR and clearance, less on the clearance side (thankfully). You can refer to my last post on those issues.
So let's say we now have a ministry team in place, all cleared, all trained, all ready to minister in all kinds of ways to our children and kids. What other protection issues are there? I did mention already event hassards. Of course I didn't mention issues when both genders are together, which then requires the fine art of chaperoning. What about ministry external, like drugs, sex, relationships, abuse, neglect, gossip, dysfunctions, family problems, school, friends... How can we minister and how can we protect? Better yet, how can we also while ministering needs plus protecting also provide proactive solutions to kids and teens to help them inthe now and future? That's right, in ministry, how can we equip them?
Equipping: Key in Protection & UnprotectionOn a campout, I can cook, clean, build the fire, set everything up, and do whatever else needs doing. I know I can do that well, being a Royal Ranger GMA. Yet that, doing it all for them, is the greatest sin and diservice of any leader. If I or you do it all for them, they don't have the opportunity to try. Who cares if they fail. Often failure is the road to success. Besides, it is ok to fail, unlike what American society foolishly fills out heads with.
True leaders create leaders, not followers. True men build up other men. True servants serve the servants, who in turn they mentored to servanthood. See the pattern? It all starts with us, then transfers to them, progressively + continiously!
I love cycling!My Trek bike doesn't have training wheel. Heck, it doesn't even have a kick stand. Maybe for laughs when I get a new road bike, I'll put training wheels and a kick stand on, while sporting all things road cyclist have. I'm sure I'll get both laughs and insults thrown my way by disgusted Philly cyclists.
Recently I thanked my dad for teaching me all this outdoors stuff, cause in reality it was my dad, not Royal Rangers, that got me into camping, cycling, backpacking, canoeing, etc. With cycling, it was my dad and mom that got me my first bike. Even came with training wheels.
Like all city kids I rode my bike with my training wheel everywhere I could. One day my dad started talking about taking the training wheels off. I both wanted to be a "big boy", yet wanted my training wheels on, do to fear I would fall off my bike. Eventually my father took the risk and took my wheels off to teach me balance on a bike. I hated it! My dad then took me on the alley and held my seat. He let go and I crashed... alot! But eventually I crashed less and less.
So today I tell my dad about all the cycling I did and as usual he is impress, since it is more than he could ever do. It makes my dad happy to know that he exposed me to my first bike, taught me balance, taught me how to wear a helmet, got me through the experience of crashing, taught me how to fix bikes, taught me how to fix a flat, got me on the trails, got me on the road, got me to the point I could bike as I do today. Now I have the joy of telling my cycling stories, even teaching him a thing or two about advanced cycling.
And one day I look forward to my sons and daughters experiencing all this cycling joy on their own, through all the protection and unprotection.
The PointIn ministry we need to meet needs of all sorts, types, and kinds. In ministry to kids and teens we need to both protect them and unprotect them. We fail if we don't meet needs. We fail them if we don't let them fail. We fail them if we don't provide that safety net. We fail them if we don't continiously try, be, and do for them.
Lastly, let me address a concern I didn't address. As parents or leaders do you think, even feel that a point in time will come when you are no longer needed? When you can't minister to needs? Or protect? Or unprotect?
Maybe you'll pass reach a point you won't dominate any more in their lives. Yet there could always be the next set of kids or teens, whether in church new ones moving on up, or as parents the opportunity to be a grandparent. Yes, grandparents have the opportunity to mentor their sons and daughers in parenthood. And also as grandparents they can be, well grandparents to the grandkids, which does not mean parent or sub-parenting. (I'm not a parent yet, so don't ask me of such things).
The world is full of sons and daughters that are under-fathered and under-mothered, who can use a "second father" or "second mother". I have both a dad and mom, both still married, both still alive. Yet I have had and still have a handful of second fathers and second mothers, which is nice with 19 hours seperating me from my parents. And though I am not a father yet, I am a father to many fatherless and under-fathered. And I'll be that same man and father figure all my life, even when I become old as dirt. You and I will never be left for dust in minstry unless we let it happen. Guess someone who might read this needed to hear that.
Blessings in the joys of ministry!
P.S. - Once again, forgive me for my poor spelling & grammar. Too many corrections to make!
Labels: ministry, needs, protection, safety