"In the pit with a lion on a snowy day..."

This is the third attempt at this post, which are reflections on two books I recently read, along with my journey of the past 2-3 years. Reading my childhood youth pastor's blog, Pastor Chilly (iChilly.com), I came across Mark Batterson, his church, and two books Batterson wrote. In reading Batterson's books, at times I could swear I was reading my own writing, since both book hits on spiritual/life themes I have heavily been dealing with in the past 2-3 years.

This isn't a book review, yet let me refer to the two Mark Batterson books:

1. In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day: How to Survive and Thrive When Opportunity Roars
2. Wild Goose Chase: Reclaim the Adventure of Pursuing God
   

A winter pause in the journey through utter chaos

I just emailed a former co-worker, catching up with him after my last contact with him 9 months ago. I remember this "moment" he and I had 9 months ago, just as all of us were ready to say goodbye to 2007. Back then we were both in the heat of each other's life stories. I won't share his story out of respect, yet I'll say he was going through much deeper relationship/family issues than what I had been going through at that time.

I'll never forget that this man and I stayed two hours after my contract was up and just talked about each of our lives. We shared from our hearts, shared our pains, shared some joy too. I do regret that I didn't open up more to some of the people I worked with, like this man, sooner, since I only opened up towards the end of my contract. Of course that's part of the story of the puzzles, chases, lions, and geese.

Chases, puzzles, lions, geese, and all other random analogy stuff

Hours after our late December evening conversation between the co-worker and I, my truck was burning gas, sending me off to Pittsburgh. Oh yes, that classic 5-6 hour drive from the Philly area to the Pittsburgh area I grew up in. Of course it was a random trip, yet a very purpose filled trip.

One crisp Saturday morning, just before the new year, I stood at the top of Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh's southside. (If you ever go to Pittsburgh, I suggest driving up to and parking at Mt. Washington, since you have the best view of the three rivers, downtown, and the north shore sports complex area.) At that moment in time, when life seemed to reach an ending edge, I took out post-it notes and wrote on them. What I wrote on those notes is more between God and I, yet it has to do with surrendering those things to God. In what was an act of littering (in a liter filled area), I crumbled up each note and threw it over the hill.

"Sometimes it takes a shipwreck to get us where God wants us to go."
- "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson

Pittsburgh has always been a cross roads for me. Like I said 9 months ago, everyone I ever loved, I shared a moment with in Pittsburgh. And that chilly sunny December day, I went back to the cross roads of Pittsburgh and faced another shipwreck in my life. Yes, a seemingly godsent relationship ended the within the same week my contract job ended. It was a "double-kill" shipwreck, happening three months after one shipwreck, and 15 months after another shipwreck.

9 months ago, the battle cry of my heart was the rebuilding of the foundation of my life, so I am solid and strong again, ready to face the storms the times I am in now. It took a lot of moments, like the trip to the "cross roads of Pittsburgh" throughout 2008 to finally build back that strong and solid foundation.

What has God done with me in the past 24+ months of my life?

Like I stated already, as I read Batterson's two books, I could swear I was the author of those words. In the past two year God has taken my life apart. You'd think that I was pretty much don't with that kind of thing, since God did a similar work tearing my life apart through the forging process of my years as a student at Valley Forge Christian College? Well I've learn that God's renewal and building processes span an entire life. And in these recent re-forging works of God, I see all the themes in Batterson's two books alive and well.

Two years ago, God had to demolish Shawn's "kingdom of self". I've mentioned this concept before. Thing is, with the kingdom of self, individuals tend to rebuild their kingdoms when they were torn down. I've been no different. So on September 1, 2006, God took away my IT job at VFCC. I kept holding on to that job, as miserable as I was at times there. Sure God wanted me there for an extended season, yet my hold needed to be broken in order for god to be able to send me out on this new journey I have literally just started.

Let me not that it didn't make much sense at all at that time what happened, yet it turned out to be the best thing for me.

I won't speak any details at all on this, yet in 2007 the other two shipwrecks were of the relationship sorts. Batterson's words I his books sound out loud in my experiences in 2007. by end of 2007 and beginning of 2008, I crawled out of two relationship shipwrecks and headed into a pit with a lion on a snowy day. To me, it reminds me of Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins, when he climbs the cold, windy, snowy mountain. He is exhausted, then is asked to get up and fight. Even Bruce's vast skills failed him at that exhausted moment.

I've spent months and months wrestling with God, not in a match to out play God, yet in a losing attempt to ultimately to win back that chase after God and God's will. Yes, i did feel like I was chasing geese and fighting a bunch of hungry lions. Wasn't easy to face my mentors, those I mentored, and people in general and show my scars of humanity. I needed to fail, not just in my wrestling matches with God, yet in the relationships, long time job, and my kingdom of self. Without these failures, I would not be on the road to God's ultimate successes for my life. If not these failures, I'd ultimately failed, even clothed in so-called worldly success. (Trust me, I had a lot of early success in my life).

Facing the Lions of failure and defeat

October 12, 2007 I sat near my fire and shelter during my FCF Wilderness vigil. I faced failure and defeat. This wasn't just that I, super Royal Ranger, had just about chocked for the second time in the highest level of testing in FCF. This was that I had faced two shipwrecks within a year, faced taking a break from ministry due to these shipwrecks, faced dark personal times in my life, plus faced failing a test of FCF wilderness survival skill. While I waited at my fire for Tsquare's return with the news, I faced failure and defeat like I never have in my life. Super Royal Ranger me contemplated quitting FCF, quitting Royal Rangers.

Tsquare returned. Likely I took a deep breath.

I was given grace.

I still had to pass the test, still needed my points. I passed. I walked out of the woods early that morning finally being the Wilderness member in FCF that is now who I am. I am now proven at that level of servant leadership, not just in FCF, but in Royal Rangers. I faced failure and defeat in one of the highest levels of testing in Royal Rangers. By grace and by fighting the lions of failure and defeat, God championed me.

My Divine Detour

"The difference between where you are and where God wants you to be may be the painful decision you refuse to make."
- "Wild Goose Chase" by Mark Batterson

"The goal of faith is not the elimination of risk. In fact, the greatest risk is taking no risks."
- "In a Pit with a Lion..." by Mark Batterson

God's detour in my life took me away from VFCC. I chased a relationship I thought was of God, regardless was something that was leading me to destruction, far away from God's path for me. And months later another detour was a relationship that suddenly fell apart seemingly out of no where.

Honestly, I am sick of God's detours, endless waiting, endless patience!!! Even so, I've kept up with God's detours, kept patient, kept ready, kept in action. Funny, with detours, there are always signs pointing the direction of the detour. Seems like those signs only come when you hit the redirection mark of the detour, rarely ever advanced warning. Here I am 9 months after the last shipwreck, still following God's divine detours, not sure where they are taking me, yet certain of the hope that I'll come on the other side totally on course and in route with God's will for my life.

Benaiah - David's Body guard

I'll end this post with this lesser know Bible character. Batterson expands on this character in his book "In a pit with a lion..." Benaiah has David like stories, such as killing lions, bears, and military victories. Of course, Benaiah once chased down a lion in a pit, on snowy day. Who dares to chase down a lion and then kill it? And of all days, a random snowy day? Benaiah also took down a giant, like David did, rather this one being an Egyptian giant. Who dares does crazy stuff like that? David did. Benaiah did.

Christianity is not for wimps. True Christianity is for sinner who embrace Jesus' loving grace and chase after God's Holy Spirit. Jesus never promised an easy life, rather stated over and over the challenges of this Christian life. It is a life where failures lead to success. It is a life of great risk, sacrifice, all in the pursuit and chase after God. It is a life full of divine detours, often shipwrecks too. Yet in the end it is so worth it all to chase the lions, chase the geese!

Digesting this life lesson sermon series

My story is forming a new scene full of thrilling action, as only God can set up. It is extremely scary, yet exciting. So I'm writing out this life sermon as it still is unfolding. I am putting all these things I learned and experienced in the "crock pot", slowly cooking and simmering it all. I don't know where I'll end up 1-12 months from now, yet know I'll end up somewhere different.

So yes, God did teach me many painfully hard lesson about risk, trust, faith, God's impossible, patience, and much more. I've seen a lot of impossible become possible through God over the past 2+ years. I see why God had been dealing big time in the area of risk with me. I understand why God had been annoying me on issues of trust in God. I know why God has kept driving faith in my skull, while also dealing issues of patience, which have been so extremely difficult.

I'll tell you now, as I have over the years, that God often doesn't make much sense. God does that on purpose, so in the end it is a God thing, not a man thing. When God told me he is going to do in my life impossible things, that even if I've been told, I wouldn't believe... I've been told some impossible things by God that I still have the hardest time having faith believing. but I've seen some of it come to past already. And since only God can do it, then God will do it. I'll keep actively in tune with God through it all.

Fight the fight! Chase the lions!

Ad Dare Sevire!

Shawn Shevitz

Labels: gods_will, life, life_lessons

stuck in the mudd: part 1
I am not sure the statistic of the average American or Earthican that gets stuck in the mud with some sort of veihicle. I think everyone does at least once and those who consider themselves outdoormen probably have more times than they can count.

Time I got my truck stuck in the mudd
(I know, it is spelled mud...)

I have a Dodge Dakota. If I could go back, I'd spend more and get a 4x4 Dodge or Chevy. (Sorry, I hate Fords and rather not buy non-American trucks/cars, though they mostly are not made in the USA these days). Being a Chevy person, I actually like Dodge trucks. Anyhow...

It was sometime in 2004 during the GMA ceremony of Josh and Jeff on a Saturday. Two of our other GMA's, David and Abraham were helping me doing some projects for Sunday's GMA ceremony. (Maybe it was David and Hammer's GMA ceremony? IDK?) Now that I had a truck, I could haul wood and such across the church property, as well as at campouts. I do remember it was cold and the ground was both frozen and muddy. Knowing I could get stuck in the mud, I parked downhill, while we loaded up.

After loading up the truck with a light load of wood, I started to drive down to the garage. The downhill parking trick worked, until I turned sideways. Then my rear wheel started to dig into the mudd and eventually I got stuck. So here I am 50-70 yards from any road, stuck in the mudd.

Idiot me kept digging myself deeper into the mudd. I tried the typical stuff, like getting help to push, puttings boards and objects down for traction. Usually that would work, yet it was a cold swamp I was stuck in. Next logical move is call to get towed. I did. I was too far from the road and the tow truck was not allowed to risk getting stuck too trying to get myself out. Now what?

After trying all the failed tricks over again, seeing anchored board flying into the air, care of my rear wheel, I was aided by my Senior Commander in a risky move to have his 4x4 SUV tow me out. And the risk paid off. Funny thing is by the time we were 30 feet from the road, we both go stuck and 2 trucks pulled to the recue. Happens that the Chevy truck got us the last handful of feet to the road, while the dude with the Ford was eager to show off his full loaded F-350. Bad enough I had to get rescued by an SUV, yet I was glad to settle for a Chevy to aid me too.

And yes, I've gotten stuck several times after that...

Maybe 2 more time with my Dakota and dozens of times with church vans, both Chevy/GMC's and Fords. Sorry but churches just won't budget 4x4 vans just for the Royal Rangers! LOL!

How we get trapped in the mudd & the definition of "insanity"

Albert Einstein once defined, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

We tell people at our "Penn-Del Royal Rangers Camp" that when the drive on the field and their tired start to spin, cause them to stop, then just stop and don't dig your van/truck/car in the mudd any deeper. At that point, that is when the farm tracker, with those big tires, comes to the rescue, towing the van/truck/car to the road.

The mistake this city raised Royal Ranger makes too often is thinking I can rock the veichel shifting from reverse then in first gear. Maybe 1 out of 6 tries it actually works. I've learned after dozens of times getting stuck to just stop, get help, and just laugh off the embarassment. Better than getting the van/truck even more stuck and making it harder to get towed out. Also saves time/effort wasted in trying to get unstuck on your own.

Why do we take the "insane" approach as the solution to the issues/problems in our lives?

We all in one form or the other take the insane approach as the solution to our issues and problems. Maybe it works sometimes, some vary rare time, yet why we keep thinking it will work again? And whether we realise it or not, we get ourselves more stuck in the mudd. And it ends up being more embarassing, when we should have just stop and sought out the "big farm tracker". Guess that means we swallow our pride and give up one good ole self-reliance to use our non-existant super powers to bail us out of our own problems.

I can really start to have fun with this illustration and really bash people, yet I'll just keep at bashing myself, since these stories only make me laugh with self-embarassment. (Go ahead and laugh, cause most the time when I get stuck in the mudd it is really funny.

So who is there to bail us out?

I'd say it is a mix of (trusted) friends, family, and God. On the flip side, I know I've been the person who has bailed mostly friends and rarely family out of some "mudd". Doesn't take a fruity outfit with a "S" on it or a Batperson custom to be that help. Just takes us being who we are and being willing. Even when we are not able to help others, often it is just lending a hand and being a support that helps just as much as being the "towing farm tracker".

Even deeper question: What stops us from asking for help?

I already mentioned pride. Maybe it is personality and on both sides of the coin. "He/she can't help me, because he's/she's superbatperson. I'm not going to be saved by superbatperson!" Maybe the "tow truck" of a person might have lots of abilty, a history + rep of saving the day, and ego as high as a skyscrapper, a god complex, etc, etc. Maybe that "tow truck" of a person might feel superior to others because their abilities. Who knows? My points is when you are stuck, you want unstuck and want to do it on your own if at all possible. You don't want rescued, if at all possible. And the sound of that "deisel engine", though relieving as it is, also can grate at your nerves.

Conclusion: being stuck and being the tow

Over the 11+ years of my adulthood, I've been on both sides, bother literally and figuratively. Thing that is most frustrating is being that "tow" for countless people, while most recently being stuck in the mud in many different ways. And yes, I've been insane at times, spinning my tires, only calling out to God, family, and friends for help when I got myself dug up into a deeper mudd pit.

As I typed this out, along with all my spelling and grammar mistakes, I remember all the times I was the "tow". How many people had pride issues that were given my help, guidence, and lead? I can write a sizable list of certain indivuals that won't admitt to having needed my "tow" in life. They might go as far as saying they would have gotten where they are without me, which could be true. Yet I see that insanity and denial flow throw their veins.

In a lot of ways, I know how it feel to be helped when stuck in the mudd, yet I've learned that humility is a virtue and it is good. Not that I need all the people I have helped through the years to acknowlege the curosity that I and others have handed them, it is just that we all need stop, relax, and at times seek out the aid of God, family, and friends, even as embarassing as it could be sometimes.

In the past 2 year's...

...I have felt my momentum suddently stop and my tires start to spin. Even too when I was in 4x4 mode. I'd go fruther to say that in the past 6-9 months it seems I've been driving a truck in a swamp of sorts. Everytime I seem to be on solid ground, I'd start seeing the mud kick up into the air, then my tires begin to spin. And sometimes I get stuck miles away from a tow.

So part 2 for my friends will explore some of the mudd traps I find myself in, as I see a solid path on the horizon.

Btw, I love getting dirty, yet I hate the mud! Call me a mountain man, cause that's what I am. leave the swamps for the crazy people and their swamp boats!

-------------------------
And for "part 2", check it out on my lj, if you have access.

Labels: life, life_lessons, philosophy, pragmatic

Over a month ago I did a post on change, in regards to personal change and changes in Royal Rangers. Too much too comment on and I probably won't get that far.

So, some quick updates...

In the past 6 months, 1 year, even 2 years my life has had a lot of change. And the biggest changes are yet to come in my life.

And there have been changes years ago in Rangers, with more to come, which we are rightfully calling tweaks. Why tweaks? Because they are fixes to the major changes that happened under Cmdr Marriott's staff. Sure, Cmdr Marsh is bringing on tweaks that really are major changes.

No matter what "change" is call, big or small, change is change. And as I say, change for the say of change is bad. Lack of change is equally worse. Balance between the two extreme is always necessary, since life is full of changes, like the changing of the season, or daily weather.

Overall what do I think about these new changes???

I am all for them. I said "Amen" countless time when reading up on the tweaks and changes to Royal Rangers that are to come under Cmdr Doug Marsh. And even a lot of them were some that Bender, I, and others have been working towards over the past 1-15 years.

So here I am with the team of GMA's and Rangers in the forefront...

Then there is the story I wish I could tell fully here, yet have reserved from my other more private blogs. The story of the past 2 years of my life and the story of the next two years to come.

2006 & 2007 Story of Silent Eagle in extremely brief form

2006 I was at the top of my life. Everything was going in full swing. I was had made significant progress in all areas of my life. I was at the top of my/the world. Career hit a youthful peak and financially I was making progress. Fitness and health wise, I was at the highest level of health and fitness in my 20's, losing weigh, cycling 2000 miles by end of July 2006. Servant leadership wise I had just taken on a whole new level of staff responsibility with the Penn-Del district. There are more things I can list, yet you get the picture.

Was I in God's will? I'd say I was 90%+ in God's will. So why such violent changes that I am about to mention? Because I was in the driver's seat, in control. No, I was not a control freak with others, rather I had total control of my own life, all aspects. Just because I was in God's will didn't give me a right to have total control like I did with my own life.

And God had other plans for me, plans that were different than my own. My self control was so strong that God had to break it. And it has been a violent earth quake that has shoke for a year and a half.

On Sept 1, after getting VFCC setup for a new academic year, they let me go, for reasons to this day I am not sure of. Regardless, the campus I called family, home, and work, which was embedded hard and deep into my life was taken from me in one day. God wanted me to move on from VFCC and knew I would not respond to his call to leave. I felt the end coming, yet I, in my own plan and control, kept pushing that "a year or two down the road". God had other plans, many I am still wondering about.

So by the start of 2007, I was working IT in the cooperate world for a good company in the medical services industry. Those 13 months working there on a contract was a great working experience given to me by God. It opened the door to expand in ministry and to explore many new paths in life. Regardless of the hard times of 2007, there was so much good that came out of 2007 that to ignore it would be foolish. Ultimately it has lead me to 2008, which I'll talk about in a moment.

The duel blessing and tragedy of 2007 is has to do with "choices" God gave me. Why would God, who took me out of my own self-controlled world, then give me choices? Hum??? Part of the answer is that God did not want to take me to the other extreme, which would be a God dictated control. Meaning God didn't want to be a tryant dictator to my life. God wanted me to seek his will and his path, while giving me the free will to make my own choices. God wanted and still wants me to choose Him and his will.

I won't go into detail about specifics of 2007, yet I made choices in all areas of my life. I made lots of hard choices, some good, some ok, some bad, and some very awful. God did honor a lot, not all, of my choices. And God even redeemed me from awful choices I made.

Dreams and vision leading me into 2008-2010

I have mentioned in all most of my blogs about visions, dreams, and such I have had through the years. I will very briefly mention some here. In 1990 or 1991 I had a prophetic dream, unlike any dream I ever had, which I call the "Triforce Dream" or "Trinity Dream". Sparing detail, it prophesied what happened to me at 1993 JLTA, which was Corey being there helping me that Friday night to "Speak in Tounges" for the very first time. Three summer later in 1998 I had visions and other spiritual happenings during the 98 FCF National Rendezvous. There are other things to that have happened to me throughout the 1990's that I classify as visions, dreams, and prophecies, words of knowledge, and discernments, all which have come to past, through the enabling of the Holy Spirit.

So after a half decade partial pause of these Holy Spirit giftings, I find as I left VFCC they have come back steadily. I had a dream on September 27, 2005 that started this whole chain of events that leads me where I am and where I am heading. On my livejournal I commented that day that it was a dream unlike I have had since the "Triforce Dream" and the "Ozark Visions". It was so real and a series of related dreams have popped up here and there, increasing in numbers in recent times, all linked together. Sorry, no details here on what those are, yet I'll tell you some of what has told me through these dreams.

The day God told me to quit Royal Rangers...

Well, there is not one single day or moment, rather through a whole lot of prayer from the end of 2007 leading into the start of 2008 God asked me if I would do something. I remember emailing John a rough transcript, done up all creatively of course, of that conversation. God wanted me to quit Royal Rangers for an indefinate period of time, which I later found to be 1-2 years. This was after taking the fall off from Royal Rangers, due to some personal things.

Of course what God was asking was seperate from taking time off in the fall. It had to do with where God had been planning to move my life, ever since God ended my time of service at VFCC.

Of course, God gave me until this summer to be back in action on a limited role. And I understand in part why God is having me quite Outpost, Section, and District. (Well, I had already quit section staff December 31, 2007). So by end of July I will quit, rather take a full break from Royal Rangers for 1-2 years, with no defined end date of this break in action.

God also has been telling me big changes are on the way...

Start of this year around the time I had been dealing with a lot of personal stuff, God then keeps telling me that he's going to be moving me, like literally moving. He wants me to prepare to move "soon", whenever that is. No, not down the road or on the other side of the state. Actually, at this very moment, I don't know where. I just know it is going to be out of the state and out of the district. Yet God tells me I'm moving back to PA, yet doesn't say when or for how long.

I know, confusing and very vauge. Trust me, I have been and still am praying to God about specifics, yet he's kept me mostly on a need to know basis. And God knows that drives me nuts and frustrates me greatly.

So this all means what?

It means that after 11 years living in Phoenixville, PA and being a part of Outpost 19 at Grace A/G in Spring City, God is moving me for a time out of the state. It is likely going to happen fall or winter this year. And it won't be too far away, like a state or two down or over. God's given me a couple hints, like pointed out a church to me, but I'm not sure yet that I'm going there. All depends on how things unfold in the next 3-4 months.

So that means I am leaving OP19, the EC Section, and Penn-Del. Of course we all know Penn-Del will have me still doing the website, since they had Todd head up PDJLTA for a couple years when he was out of state. Ha! Guess that will be my only tie to Rangers during the break in action. And eventually I'll get involved slowly in a new OP.

So what about OP 19? Like I told a couple leaders last week, I am at peace that it tomorrow God says to pack up and leave, OP 19 will be in good hands. Why? The 5, soon to be 8 GMA's of the Outpost. There won't be a repeat of what happened with OP 7, where even today it is still a sad excuse of an Outpost, when it use to be the top Outpost in the district. Anyhow, things will be fine, yet different starting Fall of 2008 in Outpost 19.

So where am I ultimate heading?

I'm sick of thinking about those questions and thinking of the things God has shown me. I am ready to move forward and am ready to burn up this limbo I have been in the past 2 years of my life.

I dunno, God has showed me some things in my teen years, even part of the "Ozark Visions" that I wanted to believe, yet had doubts about. I have had doubts in my college years. I didn't want them at all my post-college VFCC days. And now, it doesn't matter if I want them or not, yet I say yes to what God has for me in my life.

Only thing is, I think God is a crazy!

Well, God is God, so God is the only one that truly can get away with crazy, since God is, well, God, and God is beyond any and all limits. Guess that is why they say God is the God of the impossible.

So, over then next 2-5 years, I'll be slingshot into a new life. And 5-7 years from now I'll be well into that new frontier that I thought God was crazy to tell me about. Let's just say there are reason God had me at VFCC, had me trained in minstry like he has, and that I'll be in higher servant leadership in Royal Rangers, as well as serving in the church in all kinds of clutch roles.

I am joyful, yet sad

In the past couple weeks I have struggled with the will and control of my "self". I pondered what I wanted and where I wanted to head. I let frustration get the best of me. Thing is, I picked to live where I live. I love it here. I love serving at the church I go to, though honestly, if I was going for me, I wouldn't go there. I love Outpost 19! I don't want to leave my Outpost. I'm sad to leave everything here, in this place I call and have made home. But it is time soon to move on.

So who knows? All I know is that I'm heading on the path God has for me and doing my best not to screw things up.

So who knows?!

Labels: change, choices, life, memories